Welcome!! As part of the fabulous blogfest, here is the first line of my YA Fantasy Adventure called WISE JIM AND THE EXPATRIATES. I think first lines all by themselves are a hard thing to gauge. I look forward to your feedback in the comments and look forward to reading yours! I’ve visited about 100 blogs so far and there are some awesome first lines out there! I think I will continue to check in on the newer arrivals even though the contest is almost over. I have really enjoyed my feeback, so useful and welcome.
AMENDED – V3 (going back to a very old version of my 1st line):
After working with the tigers all morning and getting into it with my brother, I wasn’t in the mood for the waitress who wrinkled her nose as I wafted into the diner.
The first paragraph +:
After working with the tigers all morning and getting into it with my brother, I wasn’t in the mood for the waitress who wrinkled her nose as I wafted into the diner. I did a quick armpit check. I didn’t think I smelled that bad.
Gypsies. Trailer Trash.
The waitress’ thought hissed through my mind.
AMENDED – V2:
When the waitress eyeballed me and wrinkled her nose, I did a quick armpit check.
By the time I got to the diner, Charlie and the guys had already ordered.